What is the root of all addiction, do you think? What is it that people are looking for in the compulsive action of the drink, the drug, the rush, the high? Why are terms like: “living for the weekend”, and “retail therapy” accepted parlance in the 21st century?
It all starts when we’re young. We are born as wise little bundles of pure love into families which are often anything but. We accept our lot, primarily because we don’t know any different. The cannibal child grows up to be a cannibal, because ‘that is the way things are done round here’. In the words of Philip Larkin
“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.”
We are born knowing only goodness, love and purity, but our mortal folks cannot stand the newborn spirit incarnate. Insecure in their own dysfunctional behaviour, they view the infant’s innocence and purity as too much to bear. It reminds the parent of their own sullied nature, and awakes the sadness and often rage at their own paradise lost. Just as a parent who has attended boarding school will often submit his own children to the same end, a parent will often ‘correct’ his naturally good offspring in the way that he was ‘corrected’, because he cannot bear facing the reality of what his life has become, and how different things might have been.
We’re born knowing everything we need to know, and we encounter willful adults, adults who we know more than. We put ourselves out there as the brighter, clearer, evolved species, and have the stuffing knocked out if us as we are systematically chopped down by our emotionally crippled ‘caregivers’.
We are ‘born into sin’, into the disconnected natures of those who went before, and therefore experience the loss of our connection to God at the hands of our ‘Loving’ parents, who in turn were brutalised, and their parents before them. The human condition is a chain of pain. It is possible to find ones way out the other side, but to allow the godness (goodness) of the child to prevail, we must not be threatened by it. The wrongness in our decrepit selves cannot bear the truth, and seeks to crush it, to correct it. But a person filled with the spirit of God not only bears witness to the pure young one, but knows where it is coming from (literally) and does everything they can to guide and foster the good in the young child.
As we are brutalised as young children, and wrenched from the goodness that we are, we seek solace from the emotional pain of our separation from God in activities which we find soothe or comfort us; computer games (don’t answer back or offer opinions), girls (they’re beauty is intoxicating) drinking alcohol (numbs our discomfort for at first), books and movies (hypnotic distraction) smoking pot and maybe taking harder party drugs like ecstasy and MDMA (which makes us feel love).
The more sensitive we are as individuals, the more our separation from our state of love ails us. We don’t realise it is mostly about how we have been trained (by those we grew up with) to see ourselves and the world around us, and that a simple change in perspective would start to turn it all around. But we’ve not yet found the benefit of meditation, of quieting the mind and releasing those uncomfortable thoughts. We have not yet learned that it’s ok to sit down inside a bad feeling, just acknowledging it for being what it is, not running away from it towards our usual distractions. Instead of running, we sit there and acknowledge: “I would like to feel better than I do, but I’m not going to do anything. I’m going to work this through in my mind.”
We’ve heard about the power of feeling good, that everything we want in life is because we want to feel good, and so instead of looking for the means to feel good; the girl, the new iphone, the cookies, the adrenaline fuelled activity, the joint, the binge eating, the fasting (two sides of the same coin), the compulsive shopping, we want to get right to the prize, so we start to sit there, in ourselves and start to think thoughts which feel a little better than where we currently are. For example:
“I’m doing ok, I’m having a pretty good day. I feel pretty calm and there’s nothing that I have to do right now. I am loved, if not by these people here, I know my inner being lives me. God loves me and thinks that I’m wonderful, and I’ve heard that I cannot get it wrong and I never get it done, because life is eternal. So I can’t make any mistakes. It only matters that I enjoy where I am now. I know that everything I want is about feeling good, and I’ve shown myself in the past that I can feel good regardless of what is going on in my life. I’m proud to say that I don’t need anyone to do anything differently for me to feel good. They are free to be as they be, I release them to their own lives, I give them the key to the city of freedom. I am doing pretty well where I am, I make small adjustments every day, and I am getting better and better at being selfish enough to focus in a way that makes me feel good. I am finding more and more that as I feel good, and try to hold onto that fun, easy going, free, relaxed, happy vibe, that not only do more and more people who feel like that come to me, but also I’m more likely to feel like that the next day and the next. I’m not where I ultimately want to be, but then again I never will be in that place. I will be forever changing into something more than I was, and I’m going to find ways of seeing my world in the best possible light I can. It may not be the best that I’ve ever felt, but I feel better now than I did a few minutes ago, and I did that through my own focus. I feel like I am more receptive to higher, better feeling thoughts, that I am well on my way to the path to feeling good.
Feeling good is all I want. I’ve been ‘in love’ with the world before and it was wonderful, I felt unconditional love for the world; everyone looked so beautiful, the sights and smells and sounds were exquisite. I love to feel like that, as much as I can, and I know I can do that just by focussing in a way that I feel really really wonderful. Feeling great is my place to be. I feel proud, I feel bright, I feel clever and interested, and interesting. I feel a sense of wonder at how magnificent the world is, and how cleverly all of the little pieces come together to make the whole. I like it that we are all playing our part in the game of life, working with each other and playing off each other to create these wonderful things that we do.
I love life, I’m eager for what is coming, and I appreciate the people I have in my life at the moment. I feel solid and secure and excited, and eager for more and powerful and pleased with myself. I love to do these little runs of good feeling thinking, starting where I am and building and building into better and better feeling thoughts until I am feeling myself again.
My inner being is love. I am only interested in the opinion of my inner being, that is it, nothing else matters. So when I talk myself into the same opinion as my inner being, I am in the place where I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I love feeling good, it is the only thing I care about anymore. I am addicted to feeling good.”