Feeling good, Parenting

Get Addicted to Feeling Good

What is the root of all addiction, do you think? What is it that people are looking for in the compulsive action of the drink, the drug, the rush, the high? Why are terms like: “living for the weekend”, and “retail therapy” accepted parlance in the 21st century?

It all starts when we’re young. We are born as wise little bundles of pure love into families which are often anything but. We accept our lot, primarily because we don’t know any different. The cannibal child grows up to be a cannibal, because ‘that is the way things are done round here’. In the words of Philip Larkin

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

 

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.”

We are born knowing only goodness, love and purity, but our mortal folks cannot stand the newborn spirit incarnate. Insecure in their own dysfunctional behaviour, they view the infant’s innocence and purity as too much to bear. It reminds the parent of their own sullied nature, and awakes the sadness and often rage at their own paradise lost. Just as a parent who has attended boarding school will often submit his own children to the same end, a parent will often ‘correct’ his naturally good offspring in the way that he was ‘corrected’, because he cannot bear facing the reality of what his life has become, and how different things might have been.

We’re born knowing everything we need to know, and we encounter willful adults, adults who we know more than. We put ourselves out there as the brighter, clearer, evolved species, and have the stuffing knocked out if us as we are systematically chopped down by our emotionally crippled ‘caregivers’.

We are ‘born into sin’, into the disconnected natures of those who went before, and therefore experience the loss of our connection to God at the hands of our ‘Loving’ parents, who in turn were brutalised, and their parents before them. The human condition is a chain of pain. It is possible to find ones way out the other side, but to allow the godness (goodness) of the child to prevail, we must not be threatened by it. The wrongness in our decrepit selves cannot bear the truth, and seeks to crush it, to correct it. But a person filled with the spirit of God not only bears witness to the pure young one, but knows where it is coming from (literally) and does everything they can to guide and foster the good in the young child.

As we are brutalised as young children, and wrenched from the goodness that we are, we seek solace from the emotional pain of our separation from God in activities which we find soothe or comfort us; computer games (don’t answer back or offer opinions), girls (they’re beauty is intoxicating) drinking alcohol (numbs our discomfort for at first), books and movies (hypnotic distraction) smoking pot and maybe taking harder party drugs like ecstasy and MDMA (which makes us feel love).

The more sensitive we are as individuals, the more our separation from our state of love ails us. We don’t realise it is mostly about how we have been trained (by those we grew up with) to see ourselves and the world around us, and that a simple change in perspective would start to turn it all around. But we’ve not yet found the benefit of meditation, of quieting the mind and releasing those uncomfortable thoughts. We have not yet learned that it’s ok to sit down inside a bad feeling, just acknowledging it for being what it is, not running away from it towards our usual distractions. Instead of running, we sit there and acknowledge: “I would like to feel better than I do, but I’m not going to do anything. I’m going to work this through in my mind.”

We’ve heard about the power of feeling good, that everything we want in life is because we want to feel good, and so instead of looking for the means to feel good; the girl, the new iphone, the cookies, the adrenaline fuelled activity, the joint, the binge eating, the fasting (two sides of the same coin), the compulsive shopping, we want to get right to the prize, so we start to sit there, in ourselves and start to think thoughts which feel a little better than where we currently are. For example:

“I’m doing ok, I’m having a pretty good day. I feel pretty calm and there’s nothing that I have to do right now. I am loved, if not by these people here, I know my inner being lives me. God loves me and thinks that I’m wonderful, and I’ve heard that I cannot get it wrong and I never get it done, because life is eternal. So I can’t make any mistakes. It only matters that I enjoy where I am now. I know that everything I want is about feeling good, and I’ve shown myself in the past that I can feel good regardless of what is going on in my life. I’m proud to say that I don’t need anyone to do anything differently for me to feel good. They are free to be as they be, I release them to their own lives, I give them the key to the city of freedom. I am doing pretty well where I am, I make small adjustments every day, and I am getting better and better at being selfish enough to focus in a way that makes me feel good. I am finding more and more that as I feel good, and try to hold onto that fun, easy going, free, relaxed, happy vibe, that not only do more and more people who feel like that come to me, but also I’m more likely to feel like that the next day and the next. I’m not where I ultimately want to be, but then again I never will be in that place. I will be forever changing into something more than I was, and I’m going to find ways of seeing my world in the best possible light I can. It may not be the best that I’ve ever felt, but I feel better now than I did a few minutes ago, and I did that through my own focus. I feel like I am more receptive to higher, better feeling thoughts, that I am well on my way to the path to feeling good.

Feeling good is all I want. I’ve been ‘in love’ with the world before and it was wonderful, I felt unconditional love for the world; everyone looked so beautiful, the sights and smells and sounds were exquisite. I love to feel like that, as much as I can, and I know I can do that just by focussing in a way that I feel really really wonderful. Feeling great is my place to be. I feel proud, I feel bright, I feel clever and interested, and interesting. I feel a sense of wonder at how magnificent the world is, and how cleverly all of the little pieces come together to make the whole. I like it that we are all playing our part in the game of life, working with each other and playing off each other to create these wonderful things that we do.

I love life, I’m eager for what is coming, and I appreciate the people I have in my life at the moment. I feel solid and secure and excited, and eager for more and powerful and pleased with myself. I love to do these little runs of good feeling thinking, starting where I am and building and building into better and better feeling thoughts until I am feeling myself again.

My inner being is love. I am only interested in the opinion of my inner being, that is it, nothing else matters. So when I talk myself into the same opinion as my inner being, I am in the place where I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I love feeling good, it is the only thing I care about anymore. I am addicted to feeling good.”

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Fear, Feeling good, Parenting

You Have Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself

Don’t Fear Anything, Just Know what Fear Means

Does the word cult leader strike fear into your heart? Do you feel nervous or frightened when you think about being manipulated; that someone out there might have the power to assert themselves into your experience without your permission. Well, they can’t, and your emotions are explaining the whole situation to you.

What are Emotions and Why do we Have Them?

Most of our human teachers misunderstand emotions, what they are, and why we have them. They also misunderstand their power over us. Many see our emotions as an indictment of who we are. But actually our emotions are nothing more than an indication of our current vibe (vibration), and the degree to which our vibe tallies with the vibe of our source. We think that when we do something and feel bad, that it’s because we are bad, but our emotions just indicate how much our thoughts are aligned with (the same as) the thoughts of our inner being. Read on, and I’ll explain everything.

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, actually, it’s not the past tense, God is still going about his work through the soil, rocks, plants, trees, water, animals and those creatures called human beings. That’s right, the life force is the God force, it is the consciousness in every living thing, and in every physical object down to the drop of water and clod of soil. Now, the source of all life is God. God is love, God is pure positivity, and God understands the Law of Attraction (see below).

The inner being, wonder child, God force, indwelling Christ, has many names. It matters not what you call that eternal, non-physical perspective of you, but it does matter enormously that you know that it is there, within you, always broadcasting thoughts to you of love, appreciation, joy, and wonder. Your emotions are your indicator of how your thoughts resonate, or deviate from the thoughts of your indwelling Christ.

God loves you unconditionally, but if you choose to criticise yourself, to view yourself in a derogatory light, you will feel what human beings call hate. It doesn’t mean that you are bad, it just means that God disagrees with your opinion of yourself, because God adores you, no matter what. God loves you Unconditionally. When your parent looked at you and told you that you were a bad child, you didn’t buy into their opinion because you knew that you were good, that God loves you no matter what, and so you disagreed with them, in the beginning at least. But they were bigger and stronger than you, and louder, and eventually they wore you down too, and when you listened to them, and agreed with their criticism of yourself, you felt bad, not because you were bad, but because your inner being adores you, and disagrees emotionally in any moment that you offer criticism of yourself or others.

Your inner God loves that other person too, yes even that guy who has taken a gun and killed a load of people. So if you condemn him or his behaviour and feel bad, it doesn’t mean that he is bad, it just means that your current opinion doesn’t resonate with the opinion of your God. Think of your attitude or vibe as being like a musical chord, and now think of your source energy, your inner being as being another chord. If you are both on the same vibe, you feel the harmony of your aligned thoughts through your emotions. But if you feel discordant, know that your thoughts are not tallying with the thoughts of your inner being. It’s like you’re playing in C# and your inner being is playing in C. In short, it’s not a pretty sound, and it doesn’t feel good.

Many teachers leave out ‘the God bit’ of the emotional explanation, and therefore the whole purpose of your emotions doesn’t make any sense to you. Any time you feel bad, it just means that your source of life, your inner being, disagrees with your current thought, with your current vibe, that’s all. If you deliberately offered thoughts of love all day, you would be in love, in love as your inner being is in love. Love is pure appreciation, and being in love is focussing in a way that resonates more purely with your inner being. You may find someone who is easy to appreciate, but that feeling (or lack of it) is all your doing.

Humans come up with all sorts of weird and wonderful ways to explain why they feel the way they do. Many see their emotions as a bad thing, something to be conquered, something to be tamed. We shouldn’t fear our emotions, we just need to understand what they mean, and if we don’t like the way we feel, we can try to find better feeling thoughts.

Live and Let Live (aka Mind your own Business)

Everyone has their own path. There are many people living situations that you wouldn’t choose for yourself, situations that are serving them extremely well. Mind your own business. Stop trying to understand why anyone would want to do that, and get on with living your own life, focussing on what you want. The current state of affairs in the world is interesting; most people have more attention on what others are doings than they have on their own lives (thanks Mr Zuckerberg).

If you try to make sense of anyone else’s life it will eventually drive you potty, ultimately to the nut house. You have lived a totally unique life, completely your own, and your inner being has been living it with you, every step along the way. Your inner being has some great ideas about the paths you should follow to get you to where you want to go. How do you get there? Feel as good as you can, resonate on the same frequency as your inner being, yes that means thoughts of love and appreciation, and kindness no matter what, then you will be living in the flow of your inner being, and receptive to the ideas, thoughts, words and deeds which will come to you, and lead you in the right direction.

If you try to get involved with what anyone else is doing, you will almost certainly mess up your own connection to your inner being, and lose all inspiration, all perspective, and get nowhere fast. Mind your own business, and feel as good as you can on a daily basis.

What About the Bad People?

I really like Tom Cruise. There, I said it. I frequently joke that he is my favourite Scientologist. I am speaking partly tongue in cheek; but I do appreciate Tom Cruise, I think he’d be fun to have round for a dinner party (if you’re up for it Tom, leave me a message below). He’s a charismatic, fun, happy guy who makes for great screen presence. Although in his fifties now, Cruise is showing no signs of slowing down. That he also enjoys reading KSW (Keep Scientology Working….apparently), and is the top of the Scientology tree is not something that I would ever hold against him.

You see, I have no idea about Cruise’s past life, and what he finds helpful as a way to find his most useful path in life, and really it’s none of my business what he does. Do I fear the Church of Scientology? No. I have no ill thoughts about it, I love the scientologists, and so I feel fine when thinking about them, and the choices they may make for themselves. What about when I see myself exploring their material? I don’t feel bad, perhaps intrigued as to what they see of value in there. What about when I see myself joining the church of Scientology? That doesn’t feel so good. So my inner guidance is telling me that particular course of action is not for me, not based upon the life I’ve been living and the thoughts and beliefs I currently hold.

So it’s not for me, but does that mean that I should start an organisation which goes out of its way to exterminate the Church of Scientology, or anything else for that matter? Need I wage a war against these ‘troublemakers’ who think differently to me, to remove these people from the face of the earth, because they disagree with how I’m living my life? Of course not. They are free to live their lives as they choose. But can’t they hurt me? Nope, unless I think about them hurting me, and therefore include them in my life.

The Law of Attraction Sorts it All Out

There will come a time in 50 years or so, when the Law of Attraction is a widely understood concept. Taught to children in school, and therefore understood by the majority of adulls. People will act on the assumption that nobody out there can assert anything into anyone else’s life, and the controlling will stop and people will have the freedom they want, and the world will be a happier place.

You get what you think about, and because nobody can think for you, other than you, you have the ultimate say in everything that comes to you in life. You are in charge.

Want to experience the baddies? Focus on them, and the horror they inflict on others and feel really bad as you look into a place that your ever-loving inner being never looks. Really make that horror a part of your current emotional state, and you will end up seeing and eventually living the essence of it yourself.

What’s that? You want to live a happy life? Then focus upon living a happy life, and appreciate the elements of your current life which are happy, which match how you want to feel, and let the world bring you more of the same.

Want to be rich? Imagine how it feels to be rich, and get familiar with that feeling until it feels like you are living that life, and attract the situations, circumstances, people to allow it to happen.

Want to be poor for the rest of your life? Moan about rich people, how unfair the system is, how rich people are greedy for taking more than their fair share (I guess you’ll be different when you’re rich, won’t you?). Write a book, start a blog, push against what you don’t want, knowing in every moment that you are feeling bad, that you are off the track and moving further away from the goodness that you are seeking.

God feels good, bad feels bad. What better incentive to look in the direction of what we want than a yukky feeling emotion in the other direction. It’s the most supreme inner guidance. It can be felt over loud music, magnificent visual distraction, any number of overbearing sensory inputs. You can always feel when to follow your gut, but whether you choose to do so, is entirely up to you.

So, you have nothing to fear but fear itself. So don’t fear anything. Just know what it means, and let your emotions guide you towards thoughts which feel better to you, which indicates that they are leading you towards things that you want, rather than things that you don’t, and leave everyone else to create the lives that they choose for themselves, knowing that they cannot affect you, unless you choose to let them.

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Parenting

If Positive Training works with Dogs, why not Human Beings?

Last weekend I visited Crufts at the Birmingham NEC. For those of you who haven’t heard of it, Crufts is the largest and most prestigious dog show in the world. While the prize money is pretty low, the prestige that comes from winning best of breed, or best in show will increase the value of any puppies that breeders produce from champion dogs.

I found the whole experience fascinating. I don’t own a dog myself, but I have grown up with them and I appreciate them enormously. Some friends are thinking about getting a dog, so we visited the show with them, and they arranged to meet a lady who breeds the type of dogs they are interested in owning (she won ‘best puppy’ of her particular breed, which should add a healthy premium to any puppies she sells in the near future).

Entrants bring them dogs in cages and they sit in long lines waiting for their chance to be shown, whereupon someone judges the condition and attributes of the dogs to pick a winner.  A great many of those showing dogs are  breeders, and people travel from all over the world to compete. This year’s winner from 21,000 canines is a Scottish Terrier named Knopa, she won her handler Rebecca Cross a prize of £100.

I sat and watched a number of demonstrations, so breeds were shown ranging from the English toy terrier (like a miniature Doberman) to the frankly enormous Great Dane. Then some people came out and demonstrated something called agility, where dogs jump over jumps, run through tubes, up and down A frames and weaving through a series of poles.

The lady who was talking about the process agility explained that the dogs are praised when they do it right, and never told off for doing it wrong. This is positive reinforcement training, encouraging the dogs to please their owners to either receive a food ‘treat’, some praise, or to play with their favourite toy. Immediately the thought struck me, “They are happy to use positive training on dogs, but why not human beings?”

When young, babies get a lot of lea-way. They are cute and they make cute noises. They can’t do very much for themselves and so we help them out and do whatever they want; feed them, wipe their bottoms, brush their little teeth and carry and push them around. At this stage we are happy to use positive reinforcement, we accept that thy are learning the basics.

But at some point things turn. I’m not sure exactly when it happens, probably when the child’s total dependence on the child starts to disappear and the insecure parent feels resentment at no longer being needed. The child starts to express its individuality, and the parent child relationship needs to split in a healthy way.

The parent, rather than trying to positive train the child instead starts to point out the things that the child is doing wrong. If negative training works with animals, then why would human’s be any different? Children, like animals gravitate more naturally towards things which feel good. They are closer to their Source; closer to God, not having been knocking around on Earth for as long as we adults.

There is a lot made of how ridiculous dog shows are, and the dog ‘handlers’ claim that the dogs love it, they are not prone to sulking, being instead determined to live happy lives, not taking on responsibility, or exposing themselves to thoughts which produce stress in their bodies, or other bad feeling emotions. They make the best of things, and will play for as long as you are willing to play. Children are the same, and it serves them well. Adults could be the same, if they maintained their playfulness into the adult lives, but alas they feel the terrible weight of responsibility bearing down on their shoulders.

Children want to focus on things which feel good, like dogs, and are inspired to those thoughts, feelings and actions. It’s time we focussed on what our children are doing right, and ignore what we think they are dong wrong.

 

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Feeling good, Parenting

The Children have Come to Teach Us

As we get older, allegedly wiser, but usually more hardened and resistant to life, we often find ourselves becoming parents. There is a welcome injection of youthful vibrance into the mix, which helps us to lighten up significantly and put things into perspective. Continue reading

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